style="background: url( center top fixed no-repeat !important;">

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Bear Lake/ Melatonin

This past weekend my husband's extended family on his mother's side had a big family reunion up at Bear Lake.  We drove up Friday afternoon and got there about 8pm that night- we had traffic and had to stop a few times for Carter.  He was great in the car until the very end when I tried to feed him.  I think he was so tired he just didn't want to eat.  That always frustrates me to no end, because his seizure medicine is in his food, and he has to eat it.  Sometimes we have to force him, which is really sad.  Anyways, so by the time we got to the big cabin, Shelton Lodge, I was pretty rattled from Carter's crying and getting food everywhere.  Plus it was his bedtime, so we hurried inside, set up his pack 'n play, and laid him down.  Well, that night, I don't think either of us got much sleep.  We aren't used to sleeping in the same room as him, so we could hear every little noise.  I could hear him rolling around in his pack 'n play, coughing, and then yes- crying a few times.  This has been quite normal for the past while, so we brought him into our bed to hopefully quiet him down.  I guess he kept kicking Chris all night, poor guy.  I have been dealing with his waking up for several weeks now, so I was pretty exhausted already.

By morning we were so exhausted, so we decided it would be best to go home that evening.  I know I know, wimps right?  I was too tired and stressed to handle it 2 more nights, especially with a lot of family around that I'm not super familiar with.  That day was fun, we went on the beach, well, what beach there was.  Then we went on a boat ride in the freezing cold water.  Is Bear Lake always this cold?  We enjoyed Bear Lake's delicious raspberry shakes, and then my husband and I decided to leave Carter back to enjoy some alone time.  We rented a 2 person surrey, picture below, and biked for an hour on the trails.  It was so fun, and a nice way to spend time together in nature.  We enjoyed our shake while biking.
We left that evening, despite many protests, at around 9 pm.  Carter took a while, but finally fell asleep in the car.  My poor husband drove the whole 2 1/2 hours home in the dark.  I did feel torn about leaving, but having a baby that isn't sleeping well, and is disabled, is really taxing on me and my emotions.  Sometimes I can deal with it well, and other times not as much.  This was one of those times.  We had such a great time at Bear Lake, but it was time for us to go.  Carter ended up crying for hours on Sunday from teething I think, so it was probably good we came home.  I can always deal with things more easily from my own home and environment.  What do you other Moms do when your disabled child is acting up, or is hard?  Do you still go out, or travel?  I had a comment from someone I will leave anonymous- I was told that I need to accept that this is my life, my child is disabled, and I can't just always leave events or things because we will miss out on it. (not word for word, but it made me feel bad).  I understand that this is my life, but I need to feel comfortable if I want to stay, or if I ask people for help.  Maybe I'm prideful I don't know, but I always think I can take care of Carter best, so I don't share him much.  I've mentioned in a previous post that we go on dates a lot, so I do share him then, but at big family events, I keep him close to me.  I think that's pretty normal, especially considering the circumstances.

Okay, now onto the EVIL Melatonin.  Yes, EVIL.  I have been giving Carter just 1mg of Melatonin before bedtime to help him sleep, because I could hear him wake up sometimes and he seemed restless.  Well, guess what, it made it even worse!  For the past month I would say, he has been waking up at least twice a night, crying loud and for a long time.  He won't self soothe, so I tried to feed him, hold him, and even give him teething Orajel.  He would wake up again, and again, and again.  This was so unlike him, and so frustrating.  I just started to accept it was part of a new phase or something.  Well, then an angel on Facebook wrote me and said it can cause vivid dreams, and make them wake up crying a lot.  What?!  Blasted side effects.  So I stopped giving it to him and wah la....2 nights later....he didn't wake up at all!!!!  I don't know if this will stick, but it was a blissful night.


  1. I don't even want to pretend to know what your going through because #1 I don't have any children and #2 I know very few disabled children BUT I will tell you this...Your doing a great job as a Mom but you to deserve a break sometimes and should be able to still enjoy life. My cousin has Autism and other things that classify him as "disabled" I guess. My Aunt was ALWAYS the care taker and felt like you...that she could do the best job but eventually it wore her down and she was at her wits end. I can imagine how hard it is to go out of town and what not but maybe try to trust a few others with Carter once in a while. Even if its for a short bike ride with your hubby and your Raspberry shake. I know that once my Aunt began trusting other people for a short time it gave her more energy to take care of my cousin. Plus it gave my cousin let him get to know other people and he was actually interested in letting those others help take care of him. I'm sure just like you your little boy loses his patience {well what "patience" he has anyway}. So from what I see your doing great as a Mommy. I probably couldn't do what you do so props to you but you do deserve a break once in a while and you deserve to have fun too especially on vacations and what not, not just date nights. Maybe next time just go for a short walk with hubby and try to trust someone else with your son just for a short time. Maybe it will give you some peace. :)And whomever made that cruel comment to you obviously doesn't know what they are talking about so don't feel to bad. This is your life and it looks to me like your doing a great job living it even if it is difficult at times. Good luck girly!

  2. Honestly, you guys are so brave and amazing for going up for 1 day!! I always look forward to going on vacation, but also dread it at the same time. It's just such a fiasco to travel with young kids in general. And then to have special needs, I can't even imagine how challenging that must be. Jada was colicky her first 6-7 months, and I thought I was literally going crazy. It's so hard as a mom when all of your physical, emotional, spiritual energy is being drained with very little reprieve. It's also hard when people don't understand what you are going through... or don't try to understand. That really makes me sad that someone would say that you just need to buck it up. Truth be told, I think you guys are amazing and Carter is very lucky to have you both. :)