Deseret News and Update!

In January the Utah Symphony and Opera hosted an event just for special needs kids and their families.  It was at the Capitol Theatre for about 45 minutes, and Chris and I went on a date with Carter there.  He originally sat in his wheelchair by us, then we moved him to a seat next to me.  He loved how it rocked and seemed to enjoy some of the music.  The rest of the time he kept spinning in his seat.  It was neat to go to an event where we didn't have to worry about how loud Carter was, because many kids there were doing the same.

The Opportunity Foundation of America: Eagle Eyes hosted a Wheels on Ice event at the Cottonwood Heights Recreation Center.  I was excited to go take Carter ice skating in his wheelchair because I know he likes speed and even better, it gave us some alone time.  We were joined by other Eagle Eyes workers, the mayor, Olympus High students that volunteer at several schools and other kids with their families.  I haven't been skating in forever and it was tiring, but Carter loved it.  He just wanted to go faster and faster.  He kept waving his arms and smiling.  The mayor Kelvyn Cullimore Jr. offered to help take turns going with Carter.  Several of the volunteer students knew Carter and introduced themselves.  It was nice to meet people that love and work with him too.  I noticed people taking pictures and as we'd signed a waiver already, Deseret News asked us after for our names and Carter's diagnosis.  Surprise, we were in the Deseret News paper on Sunday!  Here are some pictures from the event.  After it was over he literally cried for an hour straight, he was so sad to stop.

Another neat thing for Carter to participate in, is the Miracle League baseball at the Gene Fullmer Recreation Center in West Jordan, close to where we live, hosted by Angel Hands.  He will get to play with assistance, and I think it's awesome that there are things like this out there.  We haven't done this before, so I'm excited.  I also am trying to raise funds to help us put Carter back in horse therapy this summer when school is out.  Insurance doesn't cover it or respite, which ended in January anyway, and it is expensive.  We are starting to look for a house or condo, so lots of big changes coming our way.  We also have Disney Land in May to look forward to.  It's crazy how fast time goes.  Chris is busy working and going to school, working hard for us.  Sierra is potty training and doing pretty well.  We are also looking to get her into preschool this fall, and dance next spring.  She turns 3 next month! Keaton is 8 months old and sitting up, and getting six teeth.  Poor guy.  He's had a few sicknesses and ear infections, so hopefully his luck will get better here soon.  He is done with his helmet but needs Early Intervention because his gross motor is slightly behind.  He won't stand or bear weight on his feet, like Carter used to do, so we will do physical therapy twice a month at home.  While I was disappointed, I realized I at least have the experience to help him.

1p36 Deletion Syndrome & Awareness is having their annual conference in July in Florida.  We've never been able to go because of funds or having babies, and they are taking applications for a grant to go.  I hope we will be able to go with Carter and meet people.  We'll see.  We celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary in February, and I just recently cut a lot of my hair off.  It's nice to have a change.  On Feb 2 Chris lost his step grandpa and we attended his funeral in Idaho.  Carter has a 3rd loose tooth and molars coming in.  He is climbing stairs and onto couches and people, anything really.  He loves to swing or go outside.  He is doing so well walking with assistance, better than with his gait trainer in fact.  His school therapist is going to look at something different for him to use.  He got new daffo's (braces) and had a parent/teacher meeting.  Carter is making great progress in all his goals.  His teacher described him as such:  'loves to be the center of attention, a rebel.  Has to be reminded to not grab peer's hair.  He escapes at any opportunity.'  That's my boy.

Carter can find his name when given two choices in big font.  Carter can match ten objects with their picture, he will pat his play sign when he wants a toy but a lot of times will just go get it himself, he is better at taking turns and sharing, he is getting good at stacking and doing puzzles if you almost line the pieces for him, he is still working on using two hands to do an activity.  He is obviously doing great at scooting fast and walking if you help him.  I am so pleased with how he is doing.  I love hearing his teacher talk about him glowingly.  Life is almost always busy with three kids and daddy in school, but I'm trying my best to keep up:) and provide all the needs for my kids.  I am thankful for everything I have and for our health.  We got a new nephew last week named Colin, so that makes 11 grandkids on my side- 6 boys, 5 girls.  I love seeing families grow!

2014 in Review

I noticed a lot of people have been writing about their 2014 year, so I thought I'd so the same!  2014 was a good year for us, pretty healthy and no hospital stays!  That is a huge plus for us.  We had our share of colds but nothing serious.  In January I turned 28 and Chris started school at DATC (Davis Applied Technology Center) in Kaysville.  He is in a machinist certification program that will take around 2 years to complete.  Chris works in this area so he already had several years experience and was interested in it.  This is an intense and pretty hard program.  We also sold our Subaru that was having lots of issues and bought a Kia Spectra 5 for the gas mileage for Chris.

In February we had Valentine's Day of course and then celebrated our 5 year anniversary on February 27th.  Chris and I were able to go to Zions and stay in St. George for three or so days in my parents' second home.  It was so nice to be able to get away for longer, although I sure missed the kids!  I was over four months pregnant at this time so we weren't able to zip line like we wanted to.

We had Easter which was fun because the kids got to attend several egg hunts and got new outfits.  Then it was Sierra's 2nd birthday!  We did a Minnie Mouse party.

In May Carter had a sleep study and we found out he no longer needed his bi pap to sleep or oxygen, so that was great news!  I also helped drive my sisters in law home from middle school a few days a week.  In June Chris turned 28, Carter went on summer break and did some annual appointments:  Shriner's for orthopedics, the dentist, and Neurology.  Carter was able to get a one time respite fund from DSPD (Division of Services for People with Disabilities) so we got him an aide through RISE, named Brenda.  I was nervous at first how this would work out, but she was great!  She took him 4 days a week for six hours to give me a break.  By this time I was big pregnant and really struggling carrying him.  In fact, the last month of preschool I had family help get him in and out of his wheelchair for school and my mother in law helped get him into bed at night as well.  She was amazing!

End of June my parents threw their annual Family Reunion/South Jordan Days.  We went to the fair, saw a parade and went swimming.  In July, Chris finished his class so he could be home with me for the baby.  My parents were going to pay for our air fare to go to the annual 1p36 Deletion Syndrome & Awareness Conference, but I couldn't go because of the baby.  My mom had surgery during this time and was recovering.  I was induced the night before I was 39 weeks, since nothing was happening to put me into labor.  In fact, Keaton was breeched for a bit but luckily turned.  I ended up being in labor for 22 hours before having him.  Don't worry, I had an epidural!  It was a long, frustrating process but everything worked out well and he was big!  Keaton Thomas Thorup was born at 6:33 pm on July 15th at 9 lbs 7 oz and 21.5 inches long.  He had a light red hair and was so cute and chunky!  

Chris was able to be home for two weeks from work.  Adjusting to 3 kids is still in progress!  Keaton is a super sweet boy and calm and happy.  We got lucky!  Carter's aide came back until the end of the summer when Carter started school back up.  He got a new teacher, shorter school day, new bus driver and a new school building with lots more room.  We took the kids to the zoo, the Aquarium and Wheeler Farm since we weren't able to do Lake Powell this year.  We got a new nephew named Kayson end of September, and that's about when we blessed Keaton.  Carter had his annual eye appointment and GI.  I had my own 10 year high school reunion with some close friends, mostly Heather's:) at Olive Garden.

 
In October my brother proposed to his fiancee Nichole- I already blogged about that with a link to the YouTube video.  Over 10,000 views now!  It was also on Fox 13 News.  Halloween was fun, we had a ward trunk-or-treat and made Carter a tractor/train.

In November we got another new nephew, Michael Logan.  We also had Thanksgiving at my parents which was nice and then had family pictures on both sides.  The one was a Christmas surprise for my family with all the grand kids, and the other was family pictures with the Thorup side. The pics are on the right sidebar if you want to see them.

In December Carter turned 5, although we didn't throw a party this year he still got visits and presents.  Then on December 13th Parker and Nichole got married- all 5 siblings are married now!  Then we had Christmas, which was wonderful.

It was a good year, busy and full of fun activities: showers, parties, Sunday dinners, baby blessings, swimming, new baby, appointments, visiting Grandma & friends etc.  Carter is in school and doing great.  He had his aide again for 4 days over Christmas break.  He lost his 2 bottom teeth and grew his adult ones and got a Kid walk this year.  He can stand for 30 seconds or so at a surface with no support.  He went from 5 meds to just three.  Only 1 seizure in the entire year.  He is growing well and got new nighttime diapers which helps:)  We had to have his wheelchair adjusted and get new daffo's because he is growing so big.  He is 75% in height and weight.  Sierra is 2 1/2 and so busy and smart but also a challenge at times.  She loves juice, babies, playing, her blankie, watching Curious George or My Little Pony, and visiting Grandma.  Keaton is now 5 1/2 months and has a helmet to help shape his head.  He can roll and tries to sit up.  This new year Chris is back in school, we will be moving and going to Disney Land in May.  Something always has to change:)  Looking back at this year I can tell how the Lord has blessed us and been mindful of my needs and wants.  I have tried harder at keeping and strengthening family relationships.  Happy New Year!!

IEP

Carter's IEP was last Friday and I dread and anticipate these meetings.  I was excited to hear how he does and if he could stay at USDB.  At his last meeting they reminded me it's the goal and law to continue their education in the least restricted environment possible.  But of course, whatever is best for the child.  This meeting was much smaller as his speech and physical therapist were not present.  The director is new as well so I got to meet her.  We discussed Carter and compared him from last year with his goals.  His physical therapist usually sets a goal to improve by 5% and he did by 12%.  She left notes about how well he is doing in his walker and is using a more appropriate crawl at times.  She said if Carter receives help with getting up from his knees to standing, that he can stand for over 30 seconds at a table or surface.  It's amazing how far he has come in strength.  Then we discussed her new goals for him in the next year.  Then the speech therapist phoned in and talked with us about him and her goals for him.  Based on a questionnaire Carter would do best learning print instead of braille, so she wants to use pictures to communicate with him.  They tried a communication device that also talks but he didn't seem to like that.  She said they will start using pecs, a communication system, with up to 10 pictures so he can come up and pick what he wants from the pictures.  The idea is to work up from there to more pictures or to where he can pick it out himself without prompts.

The PECS Approach

• In Phase one, the trainer (therapist/me) works with the learner and their caregivers to figure out what might be most motivating to that individual learner (a ball, toy, food, etc.). Cards are created that picture that motivating item, and a pair of trainers helps the learner discover that, by handing over the card, they can get the desired object.
• In Phase two, the trainer moves farther away from the learner, so that the learner must actually come over to the trainer and hand over the card. This is a life skill lesson in seeking and obtaining another person's attention.
• Phase three requires the learner to discriminate among multiple pictures when requesting an item. For some learners this is easy, for others it's tougher. Some learners learn best with photos, and others with graphic images that approximate the appearance of an object.

His speech therapist seemed very pleased and surprised with how social and engaging Carter has become over the last year.  He comes up to you immediately and engages with eye contact, touch and noises.  You can tell by his facial features that he is usually excited to interact.  She couldn't believe how much he has changed.  His teacher Athena is new, she's had him just since school started end of August.  Her background is in vision and she said she considers Carter's vision to be a strength now instead of a weakness, which is her goal.  She went over her goals for him which include vision/compensatory, cognitive/social and communication.  One of her goals is to get him to recognize his own name in print, which is a good thing to learn for Kindergarten.  His OT works on his fine motor and he discussed how his grip strength is better.  He is going to work with Carter on stacking objects, simple puzzles and taking things in and out.  He still needs help with that.

It was a consensus that Carter continue attending USDB, but his teacher said she thinks he'll be ready to move on fairly soon.  I don't know when that means.  She said he hates art and as soon as he sees the picture that it's time for art, he'll try to take off.  So funny!  He struggles having to sit there and attend to something when he doesn't want to.  She said he gripes less but still doesn't like it at all.  As soon as the classroom door is open he tries to take off (he does this at home) and one day she decided to let him 'escape' and followed him.  He went into the boy's bathroom and was making noises because it echoed.  Funny.  He is always going in our bathroom at home and I wondered why.  He loves his classmates especially Emma.  He gets sad when she is gone.  The teacher has noticed them actually play together, which is another one of his goals to play more with his peers now that he is interacting so much more.  He even lays by them when he's tired or not feeling well.  She has him walk distances in the walker, like to the gym or front office.  He loves when the high school students visit twice a week.  They also cook something once a week and he loves to help mix she said.  Even though most the kids can't eat, they still play with food for sensory play.

I enjoyed hearing her comments about him and how well he has improved.  I am so grateful he can attend school there with trained professionals in a smaller classroom, in a huge room where he can move around and play.  He is growing so much, although to the casual observer perhaps not so much in the sense of walking.  But he is getting there, he is building strength.  If you hold his hands he will take steps.  I'm so pleased with Carter and I love that he enjoys going to school.  Heaven knows I need the help and don't have the time to help in all the areas that he needs.  He had picture day this week so pictures will be forthcoming.

Update

Carter saw the eye doctor and he said his vision is well enough that he doesn't need glasses.  He still is visually inattentive and possibly has cortical visual impairment.  This should help with his IEP which is in a few weeks.  I want him to stay at USDB for Kindergarten if he can.  He also saw GI and he's in the 60-70% for height and weight, can't remember exactly.  But his BMI is almost perfect the dietitian said.  So, I guess we're doing something right:)  Carter has school pictures coming up in November, I like to see how they turn out.  Halloween is also coming, and we are hoping to turn Carter's wheelchair into Thomas the Train.  Pics will be posted of course.

Keaton is 3 months old and loves to try sitting up.  He loves starting at ceiling fans, his siblings, and being kissed.  He still only naps in his swing, if I get him to anywhere else it isn't for very long.  He still wakes up 1-2 times at night.  He had an ultrasound done on his abdomen because when I was pregnant the ultrasound showed white calcifications.  They thought perhaps a gall stone and told me to follow up when he was born.  He had to fast for four hours which was hard because he eats every 2-3 during the day.  Well, it went well and nothing was seen.  I have noticed for a few weeks now that his head is flat on one side, because he favors it.  I tried laying him on the other side or when he was asleep turning his head the other way.  Apparently it wasn't enough, because the craniofacial doctor said he needs a helmet at 4 months old.  He said they wouldn't normally say yes at 3 months of age but he was an 11 so over the norm according to measurements.  His forehead is bigger on one side so it makes his ears uneven.  I'm very bummed about this because it will be right during the holidays.  Carter did fine with his, so hopefully Keaton will too.

Sierra is 2 1/2 and so busy!  She is talking more and putting two to three words together easy.  She loves to say "thank you, you're welcome" and "what you doing".  She loves apples, strawberries, milk, tortillas, chicken, rice and green beans.  We are reading her potty books still and she loves sitting on hers.  But she is still very wet during naps and at night, and doesn't help with dressing or un-dressing, so I'm waiting a little still.  I think her naps are ending soon, because there are days she doesn't take them and just plays in her room.  Part of me is very sad for that, but it means Keaton will be able to nap in the crib soon (I hope).  We are planning on putting Keaton in Sierra's room in the next few weeks.  She is a good sleeper so I just hope they both do fine with it.  I haven't had my kids share a room before.  My kids are early risers and Daylight Savings is coming.  Not excited about that.

We blessed Keaton on Sun, September 28th with family and friends.  He was a good boy and it was a nice day.

Life is busy and stressful and hard and fun as a Mom of three.  Some days I think I'm doing it right, others I think I'm messing it all up.  We went to Wheeler Farm last week and had some fun.

My brother proposed to his fiancee by putting together a lip dub with family and friends.  We practiced for about a month, kept it a secret and came together on Sat, Oct 18th to do it.  Fox 13 News was there and it's now on YouTube as well.  It was a fun experience, there was three mascots there.

Parker's Lip Dub Proposal

Fall is in the air and change is as ever present.  My new mantra is THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Back to School!

Carter started his last few months of preschool up again last Wednesday at Utah School for the Deaf and Blind (USDB).  This is his second year and there are a lot of changes for him  His teacher is new, his school is in a new building (much bigger and further east), he has a new driver and the time has changed.  When I heard that his teacher changed I was very sad because we loved her.  I haven't had the chance to meet the new one yet since we were informed just days before school started.  I hear his classroom is much bigger so he has more room to explore, which is good.  His driver Kent is really nice and he still goes in his wheelchair back and forth.  He is picked up at 7:55 and dropped off now at 3-3:10.  It used to be 7:15 and then around 4, so it's shorter by like two hours now.  They feed him only once now instead of twice, so that kind of threw me off for the first while.  Their theme for the month is back to school peanut butter & jelly, so they have been playing with it and making stuff too.  Since Carter can't eat he just plays with it.  They still have music time and therapy, which it sounds like he has been kind of ornery with.  He has seen his old teacher and she said he recognized her and wanted to go with her, which is sad.  Poor guy.  I don't know that he understands why people aren't there anymore, like Brenda, who was with him all summer but is now gone.  We still keep in touch via email.

The first two days of school Carter had a meltdown after getting home.  Not sure why but he hasn't done it again.  We noticed a couple of weeks ago that he was shaking a lot and seemed scared of some of his toys.  He got a really scared look on his face when his bear started singing.  That was unusual, so we tested his glucose to see if it was low but it was fine.  Then about a week later, he woke up one night crying and moaning very strangely, a sound I hadn't heard in awhile.  When he used to have seizures he would sometimes make that sound like he was scared of something and he would shake.  He was doing that but I didn't notice any seizures.  I'm still not sure what caused it.  I have noticed he seems a bit shakier overall from time to time.  Might be something for us to figure out.  Carter has his yearly GI and eye appointments this month, then hopefully we are good until next year.  His 2 bottom teeth have been coming in good- they have those nice serrated tops that his baby teeth don't have because he grinds so much.  Carter's oxygen concentrator and tanks were finally picked up because we don't need them anymore.  So nice.  We still own his bi pap machine so we cleaned it up and packed it away for now.  I love seeing progress.

Carter has been watching us eat a lot lately, like he's really paying attention, so I was curious if he was interested in the food or just what we were doing.  So I tried giving him some pudding today, and he smiled but flinched and turned away when the spoon got close to his face.  It's not something I want to force but I was curious.  He turns 5 in just three months and I had hoped he would be walking by then.  He will stand and even walk some if you help support him, but still has trouble keeping his head up.  I haven't really ever pictured him walking and to be honest, I'm not even sure if he will be able to walk totally on his own.  I think he can with support or a walker, but I don't know about all by himself.  Of course that would be incredible but I kind of keep my expectations low or more realistic so I don't get disappointed, while still giving him the opportunities to do what he can.  

Sierra is 2 years old and about 5 months, so I've been thinking about potty training her.  I bought her a toilet before Keaton was born, my mom bought her panties and I just ordered some potty training books.  I've been reading up on the signs of a toddler being ready and I don't think she is quite there.  She still needs to have periods of time during the day where her diaper is relatively dry, she needs to be better at sitting still, she needs to help put her pants on and off, and I need to see her interest and more awareness of messy diapers.  I want to start reading to her about it and see if in a few months she will be ready.  They say if you do it too early that it will just take longer.  She drinks a lot too so I want to switch her to eating more.  With her still being a bit difficult and acting out, I think it's best we wait a little bit anyway.  She is putting two to four words together when she talks, but I'd like her to communicate a little better with me.  She follows directions pretty well and seemed interested in the toilet, but mostly because it made music when you flushed it.  Lol.  

Keaton is 7 weeks 4 days and getting so big.  Whenever we are out people think he is like 3 months old or more.  He's still in 3 month clothes and acts small still.  He is pretty even tempered and sweet and has started to smile, coo and laugh some.  It takes some work but he will get there.  He likes to wiggle on the floor and look around and receive lots of kisses from Sierra and me.  He is still sleeping pretty good and seems to be strong with his grip and lifting his head.  He has rolled to the side a few times now.  He can see really well now and follows me when I leave his sight.  I can tell he likes my voice because he smiles the most when I come into his vision and talk or sing to him.  He is very cute- we still aren't sure if he'll be blonde or have strawberry blonde hair like me.  I see a little bit of me, Carter and Chris in him.  He is a good mix of everyone.  We are blessing him this month so I look forward to that.  I have two sisters in law having baby boys within the new few months so that's exciting.  Anyway, that's it for now!

Some venting

I don't have a specific topic in mind but I wanted to write anyway.  We upped Carter's calories with his Pediasure because he hasn't gained weight in awhile.  He starts preschool next Wednesday, which I'm sure he'll be excited about once he's back there and sees his teacher and friends.  He has enjoyed his summer with Brenda- she helps him color, walk and play with toys.  It has given him somewhere to go and new things to do.  Carter has a cold right now so is fussier and he gave it to the other kids.  Sierra deals with it well, but the poor baby has been congested and has made for a little bit more sleepless nights.  I think things have been catching up with me, I'm getting more tired and a bit ornery lately.  I think once you've gone without enough sleep for enough time you think you're used to it, but then you hit this spot where you start to get ornery about it.  At least I do.  Who doesn't love sleep and function better with it, right?  I love having Keaton, he is such a good baby, but it still wears on you.  He does love being held, which baby doesn't, so by the end of the day I really need a break.  I am changing like 15-16 diapers a day between the 3 kids and let's see...4 meals for Carter, 3-4 for Sierra, and about 8 for Keaton.  Once you add everything up just getting through the necessities of a day starts to sound a little depressing.

I think in life it's normal that the day to day stuff just starts to bum us out.  We have our routines and such which is normal and necessary, but as a Mom sometimes it just gets a bit much.  I know I have a newborn so it's expected, but I guess I'm at that point I wanted to vent a little.  My post partum depression has gotten better as I've bonded with Keaton and gotten to know him more.  But I still have my hard days like lately, or get stressed or bummed out.  I tend to let my mind run with me once I'm bummed out which only makes it worse.  I start to compile lists in my head of things I need to do, or worries about the future and things that I wish were better or that I could change, etc.  I start getting down on myself for not doing better, and think about potty training Sierra or thinking I should do more with Carter and then I just start feeling tired, which I already am...you know, that pity party roller coaster that gets nobody anywhere.  But we all do it sometimes, right?  I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad for me, just like to express and share stuff.  I'm a girl:)  Chris will be going back to school in 2-3 weeks so I know that is coming, which means things will only get worse.  I joked with a friend that I will probably start drinking then.  Seriously no, but I foresee a lot more Dr. Pepper in my future and tears.

Sierra has definitely been in her terrible 2's which has just added to things.  Keaton will be good one day but then she is terrible.  Or vice versa; guess that happens once you have multiple kids.  I've had a few mornings where all three kids are crying and need something.  Fun.  I've had to learn to move faster and multi task even more.  With Sierra when she can't communicate to me what she wants/needs I try to get her to show me.  It doesn't always work, but at least we are trying to solve the problem.  She likes to scream a lot, hit, spit and throw things.  We are trying to be consistent with time outs and listing consequences.  I have no idea if she is listening or learning anything, but we have to do something.  I try not to get frustrated with her but it isn't easy.  Some days I wonder why people even have kids.  Oh boy.  I tell people I had kids just so I will have grand kids one day.  Haha.  I hear it's the reward and so fun so I look forward to that:)  Don't get me wrong there are great things with kids, but it's not all rainbows.  Let's not kid ourselves here.  I have a disabled kid, a terrible 2's and a newborn- that speaks for itself some days.  It's hard as a woman and parent to not get down on yourself at the end of the day and think I can do better or should have.  But thankfully, we get a new start everyday and hopefully it will be better and easier.  Sometimes it won't, but I have chocolate and Dr. Pepper for that.

I've also realized something about myself over time- that I have high expectations for people in my life.  It's not the same for everyone and it can change depending on my mood, but I do.  I say it's because I would do it for them, if that makes sense.  I feel like I have a lot to offer and am willing to do for those I love, even if never given the chance, so I expect it of people.  There are friends I expect little of because I understand their situation, and others I've learned to not expect much because our lives are in different places.  I have to be realistic so I don't feel let down.  But with family, I do expect a lot.  And most of the time, we get a lot.  With Carter being disabled and the new baby I felt like we should be the top of every one's list.  I don't know if that sounds cocky or weird, but that's how I felt.  We can't have anyone babysit Carter because of his feeding and meds, and with a newborn you should expect more help.  I have received a lot of help and have recognized and been thankful for that, but it's been hard still.  With summer people have had vacations and other obligations, and sometimes communication isn't always understood how you thought it would be.  I try to make my expectations clear so people don't have to read my mind.  It was hard too because my mom had surgery and her own things she needed to deal with, which is understandable.  When I had Sierra I really wanted the time to bond with her so we had help with Carter everyday for like two months.  I've had help with Carter because of the funds we received, which is huge, but I wanted help more with Sierra so I could focus on healing and the baby.  It has worked in some ways and not in others.  I've had to tell myself to be grateful for what help I've received and to move on.  

I've had some family relationships that I've had to kind of cut off and step back from for awhile, possibly indefinitely.  It was sad to have to make that decision but it sure helped with my stress.  A quote on Facebook inspired me because it said, "Either you invite drama, cause drama, or associate with people that cause drama..."  I don't remember the rest, but I realized I needed to not associate with certain people because of all the drama.  I'm not saying I have never caused drama, I have, but certain people certainly were causing a lot that was unnecessary.  It was hazardous to my well being and life.  I had a friend on Facebook that reassured me in my decision, and even though it still doesn't make sense to some family members, it was the right decision for me.  I believe that families can be forever, but I focus more on my family of five in that regard.  Our extended and even more extended family relationships are also important, but not as much.  So when I decided that, and focused more on my own family of five, I have felt much better.  Anyway, instead of venting anymore I am going to go hold my baby boy and count my blessings so I feel better.

Thanks for reading!

Momma of 3 and Real Stuff

So Chris went back to work this week and I was a momma of three on my own.  No, not quite.  Since I am still healing from childbirth I can't lift anything heavier then the baby for six weeks.  Now, you tell me how that is supposed to work when you have a 4 1/2 year old that can't walk or do anything for himself.  So, once again I've had to enlist the help of my mother in law who lives across and over the street.  When Carter gets up in the morning, I call her and she comes over to get him out of bed and dressed.  Then she watches the kids while I feed Carter, do his meds then get myself ready for the day.  I have no idea how I'd be able to do that all by myself yet.  Once everyone is dressed and ready she goes back home until I need her again.  Carter's CNA Brenda still comes at 10 then drops him off at 4, giving me 6 hours from having him as well.  He will be starting school back up at the end of the month, and that might be tricky as well depending what time his bus comes.

My mom was able to help me two days this week with Sierra, and then my sister in law Heidi helped some on the other two days.  My mother in law is very busy with her church calling and helping others in the neighborhood, so she is able to help me mostly in the morning.  My mom recently had surgery right before I had Keaton, so she is also not able to lift anything over 10 lbs.  This makes things tricky as well as far as getting Sierra in and out of the car.  So far we've asked Brenda to help, and then my dad.  Now that I've shed some light into how we are handling three kids, I'll let you know how Keaton is doing.  He is a lot more awake during the day and likes to be held or lay on the floor looking around.  A dangerous place if Carter is around, so I have to keep a close eye on things.  He seems to eat really often and likes his binkie sometimes.  Once late afternoon approaches he seems to settle down some.  Sierra naps about 1-4 but Keaton seems to be awake during this time, so I always have someone to watch.  We try to feed him one last time about 8:30 or 9, then put him in pajamas and swaddle him.  Carter and Sierra are in bed between 7:30 and 8.  He will sleep anywhere from 3-6 hours, then wake up to eat.  This feeding takes about an hour because he's very hungry but also tired.  Once he's changed and burped (which takes times) he usually goes back to sleep again for another 2-3 hours.  Then we're pretty much up for the day because by then it's like 5:30.  Chris is up and gone to work and once Keaton is fed, Sierra and/or Carter are up for the day.  Even if Keaton goes back to sleep, the other kids are up and needing breakfast.  So I think we are averaging 5-6 hours of sleep.  Chris and I are taking turns feeding the baby right now until he goes back to school.  The night is the hardest part of having a baby by far.

Having three kids is hard and I don't know how long it will take to feel comfortable.  We have three in diapers (yikes!) and it's hard to go to the bathroom or eat when it's just me.  I'm almost always holding the baby which obviously makes it hard to do things- he will go in the swing for some time here and there- and Sierra loves to touch and kiss him a lot.  It's sweet, but sometimes wakes him up and agitates him.  I've heard from other people it takes a few months to adjust, so I'm trying to be patient.  It's hard for me because I'm very schedule-oriented, organized and like to know what to expect.  With a newborn it's pretty go with the flow for a while until you notice their habits and can develop a schedule.  Keaton has already smiled a lot in his sleep and even has laughed twice.  I know that sounds crazy since he isn't quite 3 weeks old, but it's true.  He seems to be a pretty good baby so far.  He is hard to burp sometimes and wiggles a lot in his sleep, even when swaddled, but hopefully that will get better with time.  We ran out of newborn diapers so he's in size 1 now.  They are a tad big but the newborn ones barely covered him anymore.  At his 2 week appointment he was 75% for height and weight and 80% for head.  He was back to birth weight with 1 more ounce, weighing at 9 lbs 8 oz.  
One more thing I wanted to touch on again, is post partum depression.  This time I've had it some, and for those that have never experienced it I wanted to share some of the feelings.  Having a baby causes your hormones to go all over the place, and even with a good baby it takes time to feel normal again.  Being sleep deprived obviously doesn't help, but goes with the territory.  It can cause feelings of loneliness even when others are around, feelings of sadness and darkness, feeling scared or nervous to be around the baby, not feeling confident in your abilities as a mother, wondering when things will get better, feeling bleh most of the time, having a hard time sleeping, over-thinking (my hugest problem), over-analyzing everything, being obsessed with the time, hating night time and when it gets dark, being hard on yourself, loss of appetite or having a hard time eating, heart racing or body tremors, crying often...etc.  I've had all or some of these with each kid I've had.  It's even possible to feel like running around, giving away the baby or even hurting yourself or the baby.  I have never wanted to hurt my children, but some people can really have a hard time.  I have had a hard time before so I am very empathetic to those that go through this.  What is helpful in these situations for those that want to help, is to be patient.  To listen, not to judge, and to help in anyway you can.  I am good at asking for help now and not expecting people to read my mind.  I am trying to be easy on myself, but I find myself overdoing things by cleaning too much or lifting things I shouldn't.  Being pregnant for so long made me impatient to get back and doing things again.

Having children is really hard but can also be fun.  For me, the fun stuff comes a little bit later when they can interact more and are sleeping better.  I wouldn't have had more children or made it this far without a wonderful, fantastic husband.  We got a few more pictures back from Keaton's photo shoot, and I will share my favorite one here.  A great book I like to review is Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.  It has good information on baby's signals and cues, and how to love the baby you were given and trying to figure them out.  If I don't blog for awhile you will know why!  Thanks for reading and feel free to share any thoughts.