It feels like this summer is just dragging on, now I know why parents so look forward to when school starts. Carter has been more difficult lately, crying for who knows what reason. I call them his daily temper tantrums but they drive me crazy. Nothing seems to help, he just finally snaps out of it. He seems more needy lately and guess who always is? Yep, Sierra. I love my children very much but lately I feel caged in. Even with the variety of summer activities I still feel unfulfilled and stressed out. I'm not feeling very patient lately and I find myself wishing I had a really long vacation to look forward to. But I don't. It can be very hard to be a stay-at-home Mom, it truly is the hardest job I've ever had. I should know, I've had 23 jobs since I was 16 years old. Crazy right? I have worked at a law firm, in human resources, fast food, restaurants, call centers, retail, etc. Some of the highest stressful jobs out there, but being a mother tops it all.
"You should be aware that when a young woman has many little children, it can be a very difficult time in her life, especially compared to the relatively carefree life she enjoyed when she was responsible only for herself. It takes some character, some careful planning with your husband’s help, and some “nights out,” to get you through this time still liking the idea of home, families, and babies. You can’t turn in your mother’s badge just because the going gets tough." - Harold B. Lee
It seems there is rather a lot expected of mothers and there is. You have to cook (in my case my hubby helps with that a lot), clean, do laundry, run errands, attend appointments, pick up the many prescriptions Carter has, go to his therapy appointments, constantly straighten up and vacuum after the kids....it is tiring. I look forward to 8 pm so bad, it is my time to relax and try to get ready for the next day. I know people say to enjoy the time now, that you'll miss it. That it goes by faster than you think and all that. But honestly....I see no end in sight. Especially having a special needs kid. I don't see an end to the diaper changes, the baths, the getting up at night. It just doesn't seem fair. Most parents see somewhat of an end or progression to other paths once their kids are 18. Possibly going to college, getting married, going on a mission, etc. I don't know, I just feel really bummed out lately. I feel punished sometimes which I know is immature. It is getting harder to go out places and I find myself constantly being jealous of other families or parents with seemingly lesser problems. I meditate with food, it's true. It could be worse even though that isn't a good choice either. I found out I have hypo-thyroid so that might help explain why I'm more moody, tired and overweight. I thought when I was a mom I'd be fit and always dressed well. Ha! Little did I know.
Anyways, thanks for my occasional rant and pity party. Here is a picture to keep me on track.