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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Conference/ Sickness/ Anniversary

We had parent/teacher conference for Carter's preschool and it went well.  I kept thinking, what is there to really talk about for a 3 year old.  But the teacher talked about his day, the goals he was working on and where he was at.  It felt good after talking to her and reinforced to me that he is in the right place and fits right in. 

Carter and I both got strep throat this week and it has been beyond miserable.  I have never had this kind of pain in my throat or neck before.  Carter seems to cough a lot but otherwise handles it fine.  I am dying here and have been so miserable.  We are on antibiotics and no longer contagious, but I don't know if I'll live to tell the tale.  I have been on extremely high doses of pain killers and doing everything I can and nothing seems to help me.  I seriously feel like I need to be put in a coma until it's over.  My throat hurts so bad and my neck, like whip lash and sore throat.  I can't talk very well, haven't had solid foods since Sunday, and haven't slept more than 4 hours a night in 3-4 nights.  I am at the end of my rope.  And to make things oh so better, our 4th anniversary is today.

We were supposed to go out of town for a few nights to get away and sleep.  Doesn't look like it will happen unless a miracle comes my way.  I am of the Mormon faith, also known as LDS, but it hasn't seemed like my prayers are being answered.  How come when we need help, especially in a painful illness, it never seems to come?  We are in a generation where we want everything now, but with an illness, it makes sense!  I'm sorry for the negative post, but not everything in life is cheery.  One thing about being a parent to Carter, is that I am constantly getting sick with something.  My body is worn down and I don't know how much more I can take.  I have been sick at least 4 times since Christmas, all different things that lasted a long time.  It doesn't seem fair to be a parent to a special needs kid, not getting enough sleep already, and then getting sick constantly on top of that.  Not fair at all!  I have had to carry both kids around and it isn't helping me heal.  Having 2 babies, basically, is extremely tiring.  Some days I wonder why I even had kids? 

Sierra is 10 months old now and is a delight (really).  She doesn't seem to get sick with what I do at all, or not as bad.  She is strong, smart and beautiful.  I worry when Carter and I are sick that she'll get sick too, but she usually stays strong and healthy.  Grateful for that at least.  She is a handful but gives back in so many ways.  Smiles, imitating, walking around a coffee table, things that just make my heart melt.  I probably make it noticeable that I favor her, but I don't think I can compare my kids that way.  They have talked about having favorites on the news and how it can be damaging.  My relationship is just different with her I think.  She is more rewarding, fun and so smart.  I love Carter of course, he can be a challenge though.  When he hugs his sister or me or Chris, it does melt my heart just as if Sierra was doing something clever.  I think every kid holds a different place in a parents' heart.  Thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. I think i'll always feel an attatchment to Peyton, basically b/c he was my first. When prego with Bradyn- i thought, how could i love someone more than Peyton or felt guilty that I wouldn't be able to spend as much attention on him..but nursing Bradyn was what completley attatched me to him. I feel a very strong bond with Bradyn. So it's interesting, I still can't believe they are actually brothers. They just look so extremely different from one another.. leaves it up for a mystery on what Jordynn will look like. Sorry, you didn't end up going on your trip..some reason I thought you still had. Hoping you got your money back, and can try again.